In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
