I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is my gift to your gina
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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