Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
only you would photoshop your dick
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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