I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
