You smell like stripper and shame
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you didnt know i had herpes?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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