Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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