Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
