The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
