So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
