i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
