I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
