I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
