we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
