we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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