Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
