I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
