it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
