I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
