Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize