at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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