Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
