I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
