Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
And then my night got REAL pukey
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
