Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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