I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The ass gains better be worth it
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