I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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