i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
