her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
