I cockslap morals
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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