I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
