You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
