i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
