glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
