last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize