For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
