you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
