Buhtt sex?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
