I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
