Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
