i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
