my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
