I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
