I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you have feelings for this penis?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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