Got a toothbrush?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
handjob tips. give me some.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
