i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
