remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
ok first of all what the fuck
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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