I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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