Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
