Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
