The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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