I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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