we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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