3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
