Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
