i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
