I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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