She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
