so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
