Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
whose parrot is this?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
