i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
