So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is it because I queefed?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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