my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
