So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
