You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have already put on my inside pants.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
