It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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