coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize