Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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