If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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