When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
