So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
