How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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