Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
