There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
