evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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