angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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