i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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