I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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