well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
