Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
