smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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