Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
